A letter to Max & Sullivan

A recent trip to the KC Zoo.

Dear boys,

I thought I'd write a little something about each of you before our new one arrives.  I want to remember you the way you are today, because I'm sure things will become blurry over the next few months.  And by the time the fog lifts, who knows...you will have changed so much once again.

Last night, as we snuggled on the big chair in your bedroom before bedtime, there was barely enough room for the two of you plus me and this giant belly.  Still, you both got as close as you could, pressing your cheeks against mine with your arms around my neck.  

I tried to imagine how it used to feel to hold each of you as babies. Those little round bellies, "michelin man" arm rolls and chunky legs have turned into long, skinny limbs. 
Especially on you, Max.  You are all arms and legs these days. 
The transformation is amazing and I can't recall exactly when it happened.

So here's a little snapshot of who each of you are at this moment in time...

Max, my little man:  
You are not a rough and tumble or daring kid.  I think you defy most of the "boy" stereotypes. You're cautious and very careful to follow the rules.  You're thoughtful and purposeful, affectionate and silly.  You wear your heart on your sleeve and are full of emotion.  Your heart is so big and you already have a worldly awareness that I think is rare for a child your age. You frequently tell me I'm beautiful or that you like my outfit (did your Dad teach you to say those things?!) and you like to make up songs about how much you love everyone "in the whole world".  Your favorite things right now are your cowboy boots, the song "Royals" by Lorde,  baseball and trying to teach your brother his letters and numbers.

Sullivan, my sweet soul:  

You are rarely in a hurry for anything.  You like to take your time and absorb your surroundings.  You feel no pressure to meet anyone's expectations or prove yourself.  You are quiet and confident, with a bit of a mischievous streak.  You go with the flow and are comfortable to just be.  Your gentle, loving nature has an affect on everyone you come into contact with.  I can tell already that your goodness will make waves in this world.  

Your favorite things right now are trains, seeing road construction and dancing to all different kinds of music.

Your father and I love your differences and celebrate your individual gifts and quirks.  

You are both perfect just the way you are.  

And the deep love you have for one another makes my heart glow.

I hope we always give you enough space to be the people you were meant to be. 

My whole heart,

Momma

Fall So Far

We've been living up the fall season and keeping very busy the past couple weeks.  Here's what our fall has looked like so far...

HALLOWEEN MOVIE NIGHT:

Showing off his homemade pizza.  The boys were proud of their creation :)

Dance party!  My man loves to dance.

We took quick baths then made popcorn, hot chocolate and watched "Toy Story of Terror"

Snugs with Daddy.

Keeping warm by the fireplace.

BACKYARD "CAMPING":

Billy surprised the boys one afternoon with setting the tent up.  They were happy to help Daddy with the finishing touches.

The tent was a successg.  We had our bedtime stories in the tent all weekend.  Spooky Halloween books and shadow puppets each night. 

BLOCK PARTY:

Billy bungie-corded their little folding chairs to the back of their tricycles to take down the street.

Ready to roll!

Dinner with some of our fantastic neighbors.  And a few of Max and Sully's favorite neighborhood ladies...Carley, Marissa. and Carley's mom Teri.

When we moved here we didn't realize how how great of a street we were becoming a part of.  So many wonderful people and a great tradition for the boys to look forward to each fall.  Watching them play in the street with the other neighborhood kids brings so much happiness to my old soul.

AMERICAN ROYAL:

The boys loved hanging out in the Harpo's tent and playing their harmonica for guests :)

 LOTS OF PUMPKIN PATCHIN':

Sullivan is here!  A fun outing to Johnson Farms.

On the hayride.

Max and I have been talking a lot lately about how people are different.  He's started noticing different skin colors, abilities, accents...and has been asking many innocent and interesting questions :)  When he came up to me holding this funny looking pumpkin I was surprised that he chose it.  But he told me he picked it because "there's nothing wrong with it even though its different looking from the others."   I've never been more proud of a pumpkin...or my little punkin'. 

The boys playing in the "Sand Bus" at the pumpkin farm.

Another pumpkin outing with Annabelle to Deanna Rose!

Brothers holding hands on the train.

More pumpkins!

NEIGHBORHOOD OKTOBERFEST:

A fun get-together with our neighborhood at the Fountain Park.  The boys were already in jammies because we were headed to the plaza for Waterfire afterward.

Yes, my child is wearing footie pajama's to the party.  That's ok, right?

So big!

Pony rides in the street!

This boy went back for more sauerkraut three times.  I love that we have the same favorite foods.  He couldn't shovel it in fast enough :)

WATERFIRE:

After we filled up on German food and caught up with friends at Oktoberfest, we headed down to Waterfire.  We were pushing the boys' bedtime, so we had them ready to go in their pjs so we could go straight to bed when we got home.

The kids had a blast listening to the music, seeing the fire and acrobats and enjoying their very first Starbucks experience.  Hot chocolate was a big hit!  Sully thought he was so funny covering up Billy's eyes :)

FALL GARDENING:

We planted our fall seeds late, so our corn and pumpkins are just now coming in :)  The boys have had a great time watching it all grow, though.  And we have more basil than we know what to do with.  At this point I think I should just cut down the corn stalks and dry them.  Or...wait until December for our corn to be ready :)

They did a great job getting all of our bulbs planted.  We'll hopefully see some tulips in the spring!

The next couple weeks we'll be focusing on Halloween!  We have multiple parties to go to and a couple different costumes.  It's going to be ridiculously cute/hilarious.  Can't wait.

And then it'll be November....eek!

Siblings 1-2-3

The boys are geared up for #3 to arrive!

I "designed" (if you can even really call it that) these t-shirts on a whim and then had them printed at the T-Shirt Deli in Brookside. 

The guys wanted to try their new shirts on and I asked them hold up the onesie for #3.
To my surprise, they obliged :)

I put their "promotion" dates on the shirts to show when they graduated/will graduate to Big Brother status.

Big Brother 1 Promoted: August 2011 / Big Brother 2 Promoted: November 2013

And since we don't know if #3 is a boy or girl I just put "The Lucky Little One" on the onesie.

You wouldn't think that little boys would "get" how cute a onesie is, but they both were "oohhing" over how cute and small it looked.  

Max kept saying "I can't believe our little baby is going to wear this!"

 I can't wait to see all THREE of them in their shirts at the hospital when the time comes :)

Max is excited to have a new "charge".  Big brother to two...big responsibility.  He asks me frequently what all of his "jobs" are going to be once the baby gets here.  I love how seriously he takes his oldest child role.  And I can't believe how grown up he seems to me these days.

Sullivan is excited to be a big brother too, but I wonder if he really knows how much his world is going to change.  He's a very snuggly, affectionate guy who likes to be held and carried A LOT still.  I think we're going to have some issues with that when Momma's hands are full!

Flying his airplane.

The nursery is the boys favorite room in the house right now.  They like to play with the baby toys and read the little board books.

This ball counting game is the most popular item.

We still have quite a bit to do to get the room finished.
We have all of the basic things done, but we need to scrape the paint off windows, hang blinds, put all the hardware back on the outlets, unpack boxes of blankets and burp cloths, etc.

All of a sudden it all is starting to feel like a lot.
I got an early start on everything, but it seems like my due date is staring me in the face at this point.

I know the room doesn't NEED to be done before baby's arrival and I honestly believe that as long as I have diapers stocked and a stack of clean white onesies I'm good to go (check and check).

But the nursery is my way of preparing for the baby.  It's a symbol of my readiness and the way I personally express my love and excitement for a new baby.

The nesting instinct is really kicking into gear these days ...and because of that Billy is feeling the pressure too ;)

 One way or another, we'll get it finished before baby arrives!

Where I belong.

An interesting thing happened when I made the switch from a career focused woman to a mom who stays home with her kids.  I didn't know exactly where I belonged.

In the beginning (when Max was a baby and I went back to work) whenever people would ask what I "did" I would always feel a pang of guilt saying I was a working parent. I wondered if they judged me for having a baby, but not being home with him all day, every day.  

Getting my snuggles in after a day at work.  Circa 2010.

I loved my job.  I actually had a really awesome job working with people I truly respect and consider friends.  But there were days when I wasn't sure how I was going to give 100% to both my career and my family.  I give so much credit to the people out there who are able to do it all flawlessly.  I personally was left feeling exhausted and inadequate at both roles.

After much inner turmoil and a lot of thought and number crunching, Billy and I decided I would stay home full time. I thought that the question "what do you do?" would become easier to answer because I'd no longer feel guilty about working. But I struggled to find the voice to say "I'm a stay at home mom." I would add the word "just" in there and smile...a little embarrassed. Part of me worried it would sound like I was boasting that I didn't "work". The other part of me worried that someone might think I was lazy because I didn't "work". It's such a weird paradox that I never imagined being faced with when we decided to have kids.

Reading to Max after bath time.  I cherished the short hours I had between getting home and putting him to bed.

Once I stepped away from the working world it took me a little while to get comfortable in my new role. Not the day-to-day parenting aspect of it, but owning my stay-at-home status as a part of who I am and maintaining a sense of self.  Embracing that, for the time being, it's where I belong.  And now I couldn't be happier to be here.

Too soon these "little" days will become memories neatly packed (and blogged) away. I know that one day I'll return to my career and begin to uncover aspects of the person I was when I was able to put myself first.  

It's not easy to collaborate all of the parts of oneself. The mom and the wife and the person I am at the core all find a place within me and constantly work to live in equal harmony. One not overpowering the other. But it takes a conscious effort to keep them all thriving.

I don't think I have it all figured out quite yet and probably never will, but I'm committed to living each phase of my life in a way that feels right to me and in a way that's best for the people I love most.

There are sacrifices we've had to make and days that I WISH I had an office to escape to.  But I know without a doubt where I belong for now.  And I'm giving it all I've got.

Real Life Moments: Summer Edition

It's hard to believe summer is officially over.  The boys started school at the beginning of the month and our schedule is much more structured which has been good for all of us.  But we did enjoy a carefree, fun-filled summer that can only be described with photos.

Most of our "big" summer events and vacations were captured in other blog posts, but I had so many random photos of what we did during lazy days collected on my phone. I'm glad I have this blog as a place to dump them all.

As you can see most of our summer days were "clothing optional" :)  

Loves his superman cape made by Mimi.

Loves Momma's shoes too :)

Helping to get our garden started. 

We had to take a break from the heat every once in awhile and find fun inside...

Indoor Cosmic Bowling.

No-mess painting.

We got to have new experiences, like a lobster boil.  The boys were fascinated by the deconstruction of the lobster.  I was disgusted.  But had no problem eating the lobster once the shell, etc was out of sight :)

Lots of pool and sprinkler time in the backyard.

Max would start at the back door and run as fast as he could toward the pool yelling, "CANNON BAAAALLLL!"

Riding trikes (and tractors) in the driveway. Around and around in circles.  

Cowboy hats were worn daily.  I love Max's "stop copying me..." look :)

Caught being sweet...

Celebrating our Irish heritage.

Indulging in pure sugar.

More brotherly love.

We're so happy that fall has arrived and so ready for all of the fun things that go along with it.  The boys have already been asking to wear the Halloween costumes we've been working on and asking how long until Santa comes down the chimney.  I can't believe these things are right around the corner!  I'll have my camera ready...